This is me.
This is me.
I put this together so people could perhaps come to an understanding of how we feel in life, that we are still happy people but the things that bring us down we have no control over. Love is love, and I don’t remember ever choosing to fall in love with someone. It’s incredible what just a little kindness can do. I hope you enjoy reading their stories, and in prayers you join our side.
Thank you for all your time,
Dear parental figures that control my every (unhidden) move,
Do you enjoy sitting next to me with those awfully curious looks, hoping my thoughts will just bleed from my wounds, these lashes inflicted by your seemingly innocent behavior? If only you knew.
Those hard wooden pews offer me no comfort as you kneel before your God. Not even given the chance to verbalize my dissension, I get on my knees right next to you and feel out of place as the priest goes on about love. Adam and Eve, man and woman; all I think about is her.
“Homosexuals will be the death of this nation.”
And you might wonder why I cringe when you say “Amen”?
Love is the most innocent thing we have in this world. There is space and time, religion and faith, family and friendships, struggle and brutal conflict. There are wars going on in this world. There is blood being shed. Earth has become nothing more than one endless battlefield. Economies fight for the best prices, birds battle to get the best nesting spot in the tree. Everything is a constant fight- peace exists in the quiet crevasses hidden somewhere far away in our imaginations.
Then there is love. If only you could see what I have to hide. This beautiful creature stumbled into my life, and like a Disney fairytale we fell together. She stopped scars and memories of nothingness and brokenness. Never have I known something like this, and you hate it. You don’t even know it, but you hate me. You raised all these perfect little children but then you have me. Odd ball out, maybe you would think I am just lost beyond any hope of being found. But in reality, I feel like you are the lost ones.
It is purely innocent, falling in love. You two, on the other hand, are judgmental and misunderstanding. You jump to conclusions and make predictions. Your shameful statements burn my ears as I unwillingly hear your testimonies. Oh, and the lovely way you raised your damn clones-
“You had a lesbian spend the night here? Multiple ones? That’s disgusting.” I held my tongue. I held my tongue for the sole reason of having to hide. I held my tongue because I knew you would try to tear me away from her. In reality, all your efforts couldn’t keep me away. You wouldn’t be able to keep her away. If only you could fucking see. If only you could know. But hardheaded and obviously heartless, you’d never learn.
I just thought you should know what you’re doing. This generation you’re raising- you’re raising a hateful, prejudice-filled society. I hope you know you disappointed me the day you decided homosexuals were messed up beings, letting sin and confusion take over their lives. You are wrong. You are dead wrong. Do you remember the last time you choose to fall for someone? Do you remember being able to stop yourself, or to pull yourself away? No.
Why would you want to take someone away from what makes them happiest? Just because they don’t have the same morals or beliefs as you, and just because you think they’re different; does that give you the right to go and hate on them? Does that give you the right to make excuses?
I’d give a lot to change the way you guys think. But I know better than to try to change your stubborn ways.
In conclusion, I will be blunt. Fuck you, you heartless brutes.
You’ll never even know that your baby girl has gone falling in love with another girl. I sit here staring at the fangs of the monsters that lie right outside my closet. I sit here in fear of those sharp pearly whites, the snarls and hungry cries of intolerance and hate. I hope you know that I truly can’t even stand living under this roof. Not when I know I’m one of the most hated things in your life.
And you don’t even know.
With all my (hidden) pain,
During my process of writing, and talking to people who have been through finding themselves and going through all the stuff that kids at my age are going through when their gay has really opened up my heart. It makes me so happy to see that in the end things do work out okay, and you’ll find people who accept you for who you are. I picked this topic because it’s a subject I already knew about. I haven’t made my way all the way through this stormy journey, then again how many people make it all the way through? We still have to be prosecuted every day. I can’t imagine what goes through the mind of the people who scream foul names and spit God in our faces.
I’ve come to realize that not all people are against us. There are some people who support the gay community. Believe me we need all the people we can get. I see myself, my friends, parts of my family falling apart just because one of us are gay. I don’t understand how that makes us so different. We are still the same people but instead we like the same sex. I wish society could just drop the their words that make us cringe and see in our hearts that all we want is to be happy. We aren’t trying to be anti-social, but when being gay sets us apart what other choice do we have?
All people like me is to be accepted, has nothing to do with them agreeing with it. Most people won’t change their opinions, it’s sad. Some people we’re raised in a home where homosexuals were disgusting. How can anyone believe a human being is repulsive for something they can’t help? Being who I am I know that there is nothing we can do to change. We shouldn’t have to put on masks and pretend we are everyone else’s definition of “perfect”. Perfect has so many terms. I look at everyone around me that wrote these letters and I just think, “Wow, their so perfect.” Not the kind of perfect that God said we could never be, but the perfect where they are who they are even though they are persecuted for it on a regular basis. I don’t know about everyone else, but I could never change just so I could be accepted. I wouldn’t be able to fake a smile as if what they say doesn’t matter. No one should have to be discriminated for who they are. Not just gays, but blacks, Asians, transsexuals, religious people it should all be accepted in society with no force of anyone else’s opinions just respect. Tom Robinson from to kill a mocking bird was discriminated and convicted of a crime that was only accused to him because he was black. Skin color doesn’t matter, religion doesn’t matter, what we dress like doesn’t matter. We live in a world where all of it does matter, but one day I pray to wake up and see the world with fresh eyes, with ones that don’t see bullying, hatred, and racism.
The day I wake up in and that’s how life is, I’ll swear its Heaven on Earth.
What was your goal? Tearing apart young love was that your goal? You watched two girls completely and madly in love with each other fall apart at your expense. You knew our relationship was rough on it’s own, yet you took out your dagger and ripped us apart. You made it impossible to see the girl I loved. You would cover up your immature actions by telling her we’d lied and went behind your back making us feel unneeded guilt. Yes, we did. We had no other choice, so we would hide our love till you closed your door.
What you did was wrong, and selfish. The thought makes me want hit you so maybe some common sense can be found in your world. You saw love, and you threw it in the trash, Maybe you were jealous. Did she have something you wanted at the time? Was I making her more happier then you were?
If you’re a lesbian yourself why did you care so much? You loved me and casie and I even recall you saying, “I’m always here for you, we are.” I thought of you like a mom. How could you possibly do this to me and your very own daughter? You are 85% of the reason we are still not together. You’re a dumb ass for ruining my freshman year.
The words I want to yell at you when I see you are unspeakable. How hard I want to hit you, for half the scars on my body. You’re the reason I did this to myself. I love Casie. I was so in love with her that I don’t think you really can even wrap your self centered mind around it. She was the girl that kept me alive at nights. She made me laugh when I was balling and carried me when I was hurt. How possibly could you rip this beautiful person out of my arms.
Enough about me though your out every other night. Having sex in the room next to your daughter, and you think we’ve done wrong? She calls me crying because you’re yelling, you’re drunk and you scare her. Never will I let you hurt her like you have before.
I have so many questions for you. It comes down to Why? Did Casie break my heart, or did you make her? I know I wasn’t perfect nor was she but our relationship before you knew about it was almost perfect. I don’t know how you blame me for everything because it’s really all your fault.
It all started out as a secret, one of those small innocent things. Then I was betrayed and it was let out into the halls and minds of my school. They honestly don’t understand how much it hurts me. They stare at me in the hallways, and critisize me not realizing the words “you’re disgusting” can bring me down. I want to let the world know what I’ve been through. Someone needs to know so they can stop this.
Being myself with me friends as usual and going to the cafeteria for lunch. A girl with brown hair who sits at the “popular” table gives me a dirty glare. I shrug it off I was getting used to it, so we went and got lunch. I turn around and she’s behind me,
“Dumb ass lesbian, go die you don’t belong in this world.”
Those words killed me, but anger only shown on my face I threw my plate of terioky chicken and rice all over her head. I remember she cried about her hair, I cried because everyday I have to go through this. What she did makes me think, “Do I really belong here?’
“Do people really care about me?”
It didn’t help that when I got on Facebook an 8th grade guy commented on my statuses saying gay, lesbian, and those who are bi shouldn’t belong in this world and need to die. Not one status that I put up did he give leisure on. He bullied me, bullied those who were like me. What gives him the right to judge us? What did we ever do to him?
When I wake up in the morning now I remember that the moment I walk into North Jr. high that I’m going to have to go through it ever single day.
What kind of life is this?
No matter what anyone tells you, you are beautiful.